Embarrassing

I just had a very humbling experience.

We just had a workshop in my Creative Nonfiction class

Where we all had anonymously written book proposals

We voted for the top 3 and mine came in fourth, by one vote.

#4 had 6 votes #3 had 7 #2 had 7 and # 1 had 12 (out of a max of 16)

After voting our pieces were still anonymous and everyone was trying to figure out whose was whose?

Everyone kept saying that #1 (about harvesting your crops and writing a diary and cook book) must be mine, because it was so well written and “really good”.

It wasn’t and mine was in my view a distant distant fourth to the writing.

I didn’t even follow the directions correctly and I came in fourth… even if I had followed correctly, I still would’ve paled to the Harvest.

It’s humbling for others to think you so great that you wrote something so good.

And more humbling to know you could never.

Updates...

I now have an events calendar at the bottom of my page.

Also two new blogs are now going public!

For my trip to India this summer:
http://faithorbust.blogspot.com

For my trip to NYC this next year:
http://faithorbustNYC.blogspot.com

Just breathe

I just realised I have 5 weeks left to get stuff done... and I have more than 5 wks worth of work to do... and then I also have the india trip and the NYC stuff... OH GOD!

So universal

So I used to really love Sinead O'Connor's music... and today I finally listened to my old CD... and all I gots ta say is wow... I still love her music... only now I understand the words I once thought I understood...

Funny how pain is so universal.

The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance
This is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know what your answer will be

I know you don't love me anymore
You used to hold my hand when the plane took off
Two years ago there just seemed so much more
And I don't know what happened to our love

Today's the day
Our friendship has been stale
And we will meet later to finalise the details
Two years ago the seed was planted
And since then you have taken me for granted

But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already

But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already
I know your answer already
I know your answer already

New Wallpaper

From: http://www.marian.org/divinemercy/desk/hyla_l.html

others available from: http://www.marian.org/divinemercy/desktops.html

Humbling...

Sorry if it seems like I've talked a lot. Its really great to hear from you. If I never said thank you, I'd like to say it now. You are the one who really helped me begin on this journey following Christ. I think it started with the first time I went on Quest, and then Steubenville, and then the Youth Ministry. Even though you're gone, I still look up to you as a role model. You are really a great person, and I hope you know that. So thank you for everything.

One of my guys from when I was a youth minister in San Antonio wrote this to me... its funny, because I felt so broken when I worked as a youth minister... and so useless and so horrible at the job. I've said many times that that was the job I failed most at... the job that I could have done so much more or just been adequate, but instead I just failed.

And then to get a letter from one of the youth saying thanks, and how I let Christ shine just enough to change him... it humbles me to realise how only Christ could have done it... because I certainly couldn't.

Thank you Lord, for letting me let you Shine.

Don't Miss the Sights of New Orleans!

(below are two journal entries from N.O.)

535pm 3.13.6

New Orleans is Devastated. Whole communities destroyed, everywhere tent cities, trailer parks and refugee camps. N.O.L.A. is destroyed.

Orange and black spray paint testify, NOPD, No Entry, Unsafe. 25 fish, 1 Crab, Dead Dog. Dead. The last is the worst. Dead. No longer animal life searched out by the SPCA… human. A simple word spray painted with a shivering hand. How can this be? D-E-A- my God! D.

How can any one person experience this whole. I’ve seen parts I’ve seen waterlines from 3 feet to over a roof… houses on houses. Houses on cars. Four houses from different blocks now one. Now sharing walls. Red fading into wood and white trim into blue; fading into wood and white trim, into pink; fading into wood and white trim, into pistachio. Chunks of metal formerly known by families as vans. Warehouses flattened. Black mold swarming white sheet rock. Refrigerators that must be duct tapped and sealed. DON’T OPEN THEM –EVER.

Everything Out. Down to the studs. All walls except exterior – out. Axes, sledgehammers, crowbars and boots. Kicking them in can be easiest… except on plaster and slats. Push on through to the other side, warn them first, fogged goggles and change your mask frequently. Drink water and breath fresh air then look next door and realize you’re surrounded.

A dead city. With pockets of life. Our camp is luxury – a better bed than my dorm, maybe not by looks, but by comfort. Better food and warm showers, generators, AC and flushing toilets. Most people have water now… maybe not power but water. Few street lights work from damage or odd traffic patterns, they now flash Red-Red – Red. Welcome to NOLA.

1146pm
We drove through the 9^th ward looking at the devastation of blocks and blocks of neighborhood. Houses in the middle of roads, cars flipped on top of others. Sheer unadulterated devastation. “Wherever you are.” “What?” “Oh?” I realized no one would understand that phrase. “I was thinking about a major disaster and wondering ‘where do you start?’ It’s overwhelming. But ‘Where do you start?’ wherever you are.” You have to. You pick up the sledgehammer, the broom. You pickup the body bags, the fridges. You pickup the rubble that obstructs your path. You pick it up. You pick up your pen and write a check. Where do you start? Wherever you are.

ACCEPTED!!!

May God Bless me on my journey!!!

Next year

so its confirmed... at 325ish today... I am going to New York next year... it seems odd...

I usually have a sense of completion when I leave a place... but here I'm leaving and I feel its incomplete... but I have to leave.

I can't stay here any longer, I've given my all, I've run the race, and the race has moved to another place. but the laurels here seem to be unwon... and unwinnable by anyone... I just wish I knew what they were.

I'm leaving a part of my life... a not so bad part. But a part that just stopped.

I have to go.

START SPREADING THE NEWS!

(photo from: http://www.nyctourist.com/liberty1.htm)

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it - new york, new york
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it - new york, new york

I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old new york
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you - new york, new york

New york, new york
I want to wake up in a city, that never sleeps
And find I'm a number one top of the list, king of the hill
A number one

These little town blues, are melting away
I'm gonna make a brand new start of it - in old new york
And if I can make it there, I'm gonna make it anywhere

It up to you - new york new york

New york

Government Summons for Court

So I just got back from New Orleans Louisiana (NOLA, or N'awlins for short)...

And I go to work today and find a priority mail envelope for me from
U.S. Government Official Mail
365 Canal Street, Suite 1300
New Orleans, LA 70130

And I'm trying to figure out what I did or why the heck the Gov't is contacting me...

so i dont want to open it... (who would)... but I bite the bullet and open it... and its just what I expected...

well not really.

it was my PASSPORT!!! YAY!
Now I've got to get my VISAs!

You can never imagine the Horror

of driving in New Orleans.

of looking at devastated houses.

of looking at waterlines stained on sides of buildings, higher than your head.

of looking at cryptic codes spraypainted on doors from the first responders.

of knowing that NJ means the New Jersey National Guard searched this house

of knowing that an NE means No Entry, they had no reason to.

of knowing that a zero on the bottom means I could breath again.

of wincing at every house

of not wanting to look, but with a soul crying out, wanting to know the story of these people.

of driving down street after street

of knowing that SELA TF-1 means South East Louisiana Task Force 1 searched this house

of knowing that a lack of an NE means they actually did Enter.

of knowing that a one means one life could not be saved.

of hearing stories that began with "We had to let Mrs. Martha across the street die."

of seeing only sea shells where rows of houses once stood, no place to spray paint cryptic notes.

you can't imagine. Until you've experienced it.

Wonder

Ever get the feeling that something is critically wrong with you and you're a horrible person?

yeah?

Me neither.

Strive for holiness at all comfort.

Thoughts...

Is it a good thing or bad thing that I let my heart control me?
That I care?
That I wonder why?
I don't understand all the time what the deal is, and it confuses the heck out of my soul.

I'm trying more and more to let go of my worries. But working against so much family programming is hard. And working against the very hardwiring in your brain is harder.

My mind thinks to fast and too clearly, it thinks about the meanings of everything, it thinks about why people don't behave the way I expect, don't think the way I expect, aren't concerned with things that logic demands they should.

Why are people so willing to compromise, and why aren't they concerned with thinking if they are? Every person is liable to internal contradiction, thats a result of the fall, but our calling is to be perfect as He is perfect, so why don't people TRY? They have mouths but do not speak, have ears but do not listen.

How is internal contradiction okay? I KNOW it's COMFORTABLE. But Comfort does not make it okay, but should be a trigger for QUESTIONING Why? Is it of God? really? or is it from Satan? Or is it from my defiance of God's will?

And these things make me wonder and worry, and get frustrated with the disconnect between peoples actions and beliefs.

The greatest case for Atheism is Christians.

Why should an Atheist or ANYONE for that matter believe in CHRIST when His followers don't even care that they DON'T follow His teachings? Especially to Love Him above all things, even their own comfort from self-contradiction.

And I can't figure out if my desire to be okay with that is a disconnect itself, in me.

Am I really supposed to be okay with people who lie? Who lie by their actions and words not meeting?

I want to stop worrying, because I want to be sane, but if I stop worrying how much am I not caring anymore? And can I truly love someone if I don’t care?

The answer seems to be that you can not love someone if you don’t care. (Though others try to convince me otherwise). But perhaps there’s a complexity that I’m missing?

We aren’t called to care about people the way would care about a stranger’s dog, we’re called to care about them as if they are family. As if we really do care about their salvation, and not just their comfort.

So WHY THE HELL DO CHRISTIANS BEHAVE OTHERWISE? Why don’t they just stop LYING and tell the truth. They aren’t striving for holiness at all costs. They strive for holiness at all comfort.

At least in being honest you let God work in you. When you lie, you let Satan work.

Father Dennis' Blog

I discovered the other day that my Priest has a blog! He's a great guy!
http://fatherdennis.blogspot.com/

WE WON!

after 26hours and Thousands of Points, we WON by 10 points!

Kaleido Quiz

3pm, March 3rd to 6pm, March 4th

Once again, Kure 88.5 FM presents Kaleido Quiz. The KQ is 26 hours of trivia with scavenger hunts, fantastic prizes, and "Oh, Man...and more." The cost is $25 per team. Pick up your applica tion at KURE's office at 1199 Friley Hall and turn it in by February 27th or on March 3rd with a $5 late fee. Get your teams together now.

http://www.kure885.org/

Thought for the day

so use this as your search engine: http://prolifesearch.com/

It gives money to prolife organisations, and uses Google Search technology.

Also, observation for the day:
I need to control my passions...
Sometimes I feel so hurt or belittled that inside emotion rises and wants to address it as soon as possible, an overpowering (at times) feeling that I need to do something now.
But this lets me be controlled by what ever inspires it's movement, and I don't want to be controled by anything. Though I do want to give my control over to God.
Until I can control them, they control me, and I can not give them to God.

getting better I think

I think I'm getting better, my appetite is slowly returning, and the pain in my head from my sinuses is bearable... and I'm not delirious and thinking that I own a factory still... so on many counts I'm better... but now I'm really dizzy and borderline nauseous... dizzy and nauseous enough to skip another of my classes today... and rest a bit which helped.

I wonder if its the meds? I'm on Ery-tab, this time since between the last time I had an antibiotic and now I had an allgery test that said I was allergic to penicillium...

Well I hope to be much better in three to four days.