Best christmas wrapping ever...

Ingredients:
1 Free Friendly's sundae (in bag)
1 Serrated Knife
1 Stuffed animal
1 Present (not pictured)
Step 1: Place items on table.

Step 2: take 1 serrated knife and 1 poor hapless creature... cut seam on bottom.

Step 3: Appear maniacal

Step 4: Show enjoyment while working

Step 5: put knife down and enjoy Friendly's sundae, while holding torture victim inverted.


Step 6: resume operation

Step 7: let girlfriend help

Step 8: Let girlfriend appear maniacal...

Step 9: Relish gutting the poor hapless being.

Step 10: Show pride in workmanship.

Step 11: insert present (e.g., vermont maple cheddar cheese and a venison jerky stick) into gutted creature.

Step 12: Invert creature again, and begin restuffing guts.


Step 13: commence surgical stitching.


Step 14: Tie knot in starting end of stitching
Step 15: Spend 15 hours staring. Just staring.

Step 16: Spend 16 hours staring closer. Closer, I say!

Step 17: Tie end knot in stitching.

Step 18: Let girlfriend stuff candy in poor hapless creature's present bag.

Step 19: Return test subject to original crate.

Step 20: Make test subject look pitiful.


Now... opening best Christmas wrapping ever...

Step 1: Present 1 cuddly stuffed animal to 1 Adult male hunter/bricklayer/Biker.
Step 2: Have adult male read attached letter explaining your desire to have sent him on a hunting expedition in southern South America for penguin.
Step 3: Include in letter your unfortunate moral dilemma of sending him on a trip to South America and thus causing an increase in green house gases due to his travel, or bring a penguin to him.
Step 4: Let adult male biker/hunter know that you just couldn't in any good conscience hurt the planet and thus you can't send him to South America.
Step 5: Present a penguin for him to gut.
Step 6: Watch as adult male hunter/biker guts a poor hapless creature and hear him say "it feels like guttin' a deer"

Step 7: watch as he rips the Penguin's bottom off.

Step 8: Watch him remove presents from carcass.

Step 9: Watch adult male hunter toss carcass to nearby woodland animal to devour.