Ora Pro Nobis!

St. Thomas Aquinas' Feast Day is today!

Patron of Chastity, Pray for us!
Patron of Students, Pray for us!
Patron of Theologians, Pray for us!
Patron of Philosophers, Pray for us!
Patron of Manuel (aka. Me), Pray for us!

We've started a Thomist Society at ISU, that had its first meeting this past week, May Thomas ever be our guardian and guide to Jesus.

some links from the Dominicans:
http://www.op.org/domcentral/study/TA.htm

(image from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=2530)

healing

Saw Kat last night... it was a bit weird... but not very painful, which is a sign that God has been healing me from our relationship.

She seems the same as ever, but more patient and less defensive. She's a nice girl.

I care about her, but she's not for me. That's something we talked about, in all the semi-awkwardness of conversation. She's not what I need, because she's Kat, and I'm not what she needs because I'm Edward. And we both have our problems that frustrate each other.

Tengo el Sicko

(I know that I wrote that wrong)

Anyhow, I'm sick bleh... fever, sinus problems and muscles sore... with random twinges of sharp pain... gah

missed class yesterday, probably will miss class today... gah

sometimes I wish I could leave my body in my bed while I went out and did stuff, like class.

When I see you I see Christ

How often are we told this in sheer humility and amazement?

For some reason I think it should be more often... the last time I remember it, was in May of 2003... what joy has left me? where are my hands of service, my arms of love, my feet missionary, my thoughts humble, my words chosen? I see moments in my past that I identify as moments of grace and my heart is humbled by where I could be had I not struck my sails.

Now as I gradually make sail, I pray that they do not shorten under my weight.

First Spring Semester Snow!

So today was the first snow of spring semester...

last year there was a ton, this year much less so far.

A year ago I ventured forth to Iowa with hopes and reservations, and still a year later I stand around wondering what brought me here. Was it really the girl? Or was it something more...? This last few weeks have seemed to suggest that it was something else that Someone else had planned... I know not what... perhaps its more training for the journey, more subtle chiselling at my soul... and perhaps its more... I have hope still, but my reservations are slowly being dropped. My soul is slowy growing back to the places it used to be, slowly healing to the man I remember, but not the same man... a man wiser, humbler, more aware, and slowly learning to listen to the passage that brought me back to Iowa last semester...

Micah 7:5
Put no trust in a friend, have no confidence in a companion;
Against her who lies in your bosom guard the portals of your mouth.

Slowly learning but hopefully learning nonetheless.

My voice revisited...

So I orginally had the following in word format, but just after I printed it the file was corrupted... luckily I have a SCANNER!!!!! so I was able to scan it... This originally started out as a rehash of the my voice project for my creative non-fiction class... but then it turned into this... this is two of the three paragraphs... the third is not yet complete (third of an anticipated 20+) not that these two paragraphs are finished, but they are basically complete...

YAY! COMPUTER!

So I am finishing up migrating my computer to two new hard drives... After break I brought up an 8GB HD to complement my 40GB HD for extra space, but then I bought a 150 GB at a great deal and then I found an amazing deal on a 250 GB HD... so I traded my 48GBs for my now whopping 400GBs! YAY!

The biggest reason I bought my main HD (the 150) is for stability... I've been having alot of problems with the old HD, so I hope that the new HD wont have the stability problems... and I bought the 250 as a storage/backup drive... cause it was an amazing 50$!

So I had to also buy Windows XP... whcih was 80$ bring up my total to 180$ for new computer parts... but if this thing finally works like a good little computer I'll be happy... and it'll be worth every penny... I used to make about 10$ an hour as a computer consultant... and last semester I put in well over 50 hours... so if this semester my purchases can avoid that work load it'll be worth its weight in gold... and cheaper than my labour!

still a couple things to move over... but most is done!

Biking

So today We went to two spinning classes to start off our training for the summer... we were also supposed to have a meeting about it, but not everyone was available, so I postponed it.

But the classes were good... I pushed myself in both, and especially in the second... Brad's shoe flew out of his clipless pedals a few times, because it was so loose, and I chuckled... only to have mine fly out when we were sprinting against each other... after the second class we did abs and I have a new found respect for women... I was trying to do some of the techniques only to have my back give out in sheer pain... so I either pushed too hard earlier or am just a wuss... I'm taking the second one to be most probable.

But our summer plans are coming along... we have a Dubuque contact as an addition to the group, so we should be able to raise even more money. We're all so excited! It's going to ROCK!

Loras

So I just got an email last night (it was sent yesterday afternoon) that if I had gotten a week and a half ago would have been enough for me to say goodbye to ISU... they guarenteed me $9.ooo minimum in scholarships. which means it would have been $9.000 less than going to ISU and I wouldn't have to be a Resident Assistant. They said I could still come for the spring, but the problem is that if I leave ISU now, I have a 25% penalty fee. Which is $1.300 Hmm...

Maybe I'll have to rethink this... plus I'd be losing my CA benefits (which I might lose anyways...)

I think I'm going to work this one out...

Maybe I will go after all.

class

ah, the beginning of class... this is sure to be interesting... I have to now figure out what classes to take and which to drop... :-)

currently I'm in architecture, physics, poli sci, philosophy, english and religious studies classes... which is basically my BLS degree (minus the english). I have to decide between taking 6, 5 or 4 classes also...

I also have to return 25lbs of books tomorrow... yay fun.

Why did I talk myself out of quitting?

I could be rested, relaxed and prepared for school! And at a retreat right now... but no.

I'm just wondering if I'll quit sometime soon, andI'm trying to assess if I really want to be CA, now that I'm back..

So I decided last night...

An email to my boss:

This has been really agonizing for me to discern, but I feel I have to resign.

What paperwork do I need to do? What do I need to do with housing?

I'll be up there the fourth still to move my stuff into the storage room and
clean out the rest of the room, if thats okay?

Sorry this took so long to figure out.

God bless and keep you!
Edward
Mortem tuam annuntiamus. Domine, et tuam resurrectionem confitemur, donec venias.

as I finished up the email, and prepared to press send, I realised how relieved I was, and how excited I was for the freedom... and decided to give my mind one more chance to change.

So I played the Axis and Allies computer game... which by the way has really really bad AI...

Afterwards, I began to wonder why I wanted to quit... and what I would need to do to replace being a CA... so I made an excel file with all my financial possibilities...
below is a part of the file...


I figured that I'd have to work 30 hours at a job that pays 8$ an hour to even out the whole situation... and if I chose to work only 20 hours as a CA... and made that comittment... I would end up better for the bargin (cause I could also work 10 hours somewhere else ;-) )

So I decided to be an average CA... no more giving it my all. I can't afford it... its too stressful and not worth it. So my house will have to figure out how to self govern or ...?

I guess I'm being taught moderation... Praise God. I'm a bit upset though, because I was invited by a few of my friends to go to Youth 2000 and I really need a retreat... but Kat was going to be there so it would have been awkward trying to evade her.

I guess I'll have to find another retreat to go on... :-\ I really wanted to go on this one though...

I'm humbled by your generosity, and saddened by my ingratitude. Thank you, Lord.

Amazing Grace

Just when I think prayers take time to be answered... God answers mine like lightning... Granting me both understanding and peace, in a time of great turmoil.

Glorious and Praiseworthy is HE!

Things my heart was previously hardened to have now been let in by His grace... things that convict me and will help me to grow for years to come... things that need fixin and things that need lovin...

Praise the Lord God Almighty!

Thank you for the friends you've given me... thank you for your wonders and for your mercy.

The pain is still there... but so is peace. :-)

Yay God!

The first lights of dawn

I think that I'm beginning to see the light of freedom... last night I realised two things, and they are already helping me to be set free.