Tests

Tests tests tests... two on tuesday... and buches of work/church things to work on this weekend...

so I'll be blogging more later... after the storm.

Study and test tips...

Here are some study and tests tips... I'll try to add more as I remember/rediscover them...
Study tips:

• Study eating something, then eat the same thing while you are testing (starlight mints are reccommended)
• Hybridize to summarize (e.g., Spearmann had a theory of Generalized intelligence, Spearilzed; Thurston had an intelligence test based off of seven factors, Turseven) Just make sure that you are hybridizing relevant information for the type of test.. then study the hybridized term... repeat it over and over, and check to make sure that you remember what it represents. On a multiple choice test, this helps with recognition of the answers... whenever you see Thurston, you'll think Seven (intelligence factors) and vice-versa.
• sleep after you study something really important, or at least take a break, and do something completely different.
  
• Get a good nights rest before the test
  

Test tips:

• Be calm, medium stress... enough to be fast and have adrenaline running, not enough to be terrified... be happy and excited.
• Take MANY MANY practice tests to get used to the rhythm and style.
• Do easy ones first, SKIP ones that require thought. (Circle the question number and write below it the answer your 'gut' told you)
• Mark on your test... underline keywords, cross out definate wrong answers
• circle correct answers and move on.
• after you've answered the easy ones return to the hard ones, you might find that your mind already solved them...
• if you get bogged down, move on, and forget about it. Return later.
  
• mark answers on sheet after you've answered all the questions**WARNING** (this helps prevent mistakes from numbering when you skip a question, and keeps your mind focused on the test and not on transfering the answers, which can cause confusion and distraction, but be careful! make sure you have time to transfer the answers!!!)
• check answers... but be wary of changing your orignal answers... you usually will change them to be wrong.

IA state

So I got accepted to Iowa State the other day! But the reality of it's cost has hit... I'll need 9k in loans every semester... ouch... And this exciting news has got me scrambling to get everything in to them so I can get my Financial Aid, Transfer Credits, etc to work out. (they are transfering in over 100 Credits, and due to my ap scores, I'll start there with 41-46 local credits.)

And on top of that I have a test tomorrow that I've studied for, but could study better if I wasn't thinking about all this stuff... and trying to handle the stress... oh and I have youth group tomorrow, and I have to find a way of picking up t-shrits from the printers... shirts that are a few months overdue and I don't have a car.

*STRESS*
Praise god.
Edward

Disobedience frustrates me...

So last night we had a meeting for the retreat I'm staffing... We have two deacons on staff... one of the deacons and the Retreat leader was informing us of a decision made by our Pastor, who is also the founder of this Texas wide retreat program (there are also some retreats held in alaska and other states). Fr. Pat had said that we will make a very particular change to one of the parts of the retreat... well much selfish questioning came about that basically amounted to "well that doesn't apply to me" at which point the deacon would say "I think Father has made it very clear" and he would say the statement making it clear that there were no exceptions... after a few rounds of attacks against father's mandate, and after the deacon began to be viewed as unauthoritative, I took the floor and began by saying "I'm going to piss alot of you off... but suck it up..." I went on to say that we are men and we need to be virtuous, true, and need to be obedient, disobedience is a mortal sin according to Thomas Aquinas, its breaking one of the ten commandments, that the reason why so many young men loose their faith is because the men they look up to are hypocrites choosing when to and when not to obey... when it is something they desire, and when it is not... (at this point I was getting really impassioned because of the complete injustice that the generations of men who are not virtuous have done to my generation and the one behind me...) I ended by saying, be men of truth, of virtue and love... suck it up and obey.

Then the next person said the now imfamous (to me) phrase from the Charasmatics at my church... we need to pray about it, and see what God is calling each to... and it could be that we obey or disobey.

I hate that philosophy... yes pray, but pray for obedience, and strength to bear your cross... if a rightful autority has given a mandate or command, you must oblige... the philosophy that God would ever call you to disobedience against a just mandate is insane... is it any wonder that I am routinely struggling against this philosophy...

Charasmatics at my church, and various other sources I've been in contact with, all have the same fatal flaw... that they personally recieve messages from God which can trump everything else. (I have met some who believe in proper obedience).

I'm sorry... but that simply is not the case (even in some of the writtings of the founders of the Charasmatic movement) Disobedience to proper authority in the proper realm of their authority is always disobedience to God's plan. And thinking yourself special and above authority reminds me of one once great angel... Lucifer. And we all know that he can come in the garments of a radiant angel, fooling those who are proud, and leading them slowly against God.

I think I'm done... need to study for a psych test on tuesday.

Last night

Youth Night last night was interesting...
We had mass (YAY!) and I think the youth are really begginning to appreciate it... except that in the middle of it I was cussed at and almost hit by one of them, after asking him to stop playing with his cell phone, (he refused, and I reached to confiscate it)... I let him be after that, and he put it away, and at the end of mass he was crying... so I imagine something else is going on in his life, which I'll ask him about next week... He's a good kid...

after mass We had snacks (cheese tray, pepperoni, crackers, chips, salsa, candies) and then I split the group into MS and HS... the MS got to play cards, and hang out (I have alot less MS than I thought!) and the HS I chastised... Last week when I was gone they had been so disrespectful to my assistant that he emailed me and said he was considering quiting... Instead of a direct chastisement... I asked them what I was doing wrong that they chose to disrespect him and other adults so much... and from there I let them talk, and they came to the conclusion that it wasn't what I was doing, but that they needed to do more to be respectful...

Anyhow... as for my live in experience at the monastery, I'm still trying to sort through it... but I wasn't exactly pleased by it... they permitted non-catholics to recieve the Eucharist, and told me not to tell non-catholics that they shouldn't recieve it... the best way I could describe it is by saying that they are JFK (and possibly Kerry) type catholics... the Kennedy's are close friends of most of the monks, and the philosophy of the monks is very accepting and ambiguous... very Bhuddist... much like Merton... the quickest way of describing their philosophy is Catholic Bhuddists...

At times I felt like I was amongst a group of Greek Stoics, who weren't founded upon the rock of Peter, but the couch of comfortability with a facade of aesteticism... they are very very well off... making litterally millions of dollars a year... and they don't need it to support the grounds as they already have a fund that does that... and when I asked them about what the money went too, the vocations director got offended... and then said well we have to pay for 3 squares a day, and then proceeded to mention some other things, and only at the end almost justifyingly, saying oh and we also do almsgiving.

But I ultimately found that I wasn't there for myself so much as for my best friend, and four strangers I met, one from indiana, one "refugee" trying to get back on his feet, and two women on my flight back... they all needed Christ's truth, and were comforted by the love of Christ, and True church teaching as opposed to the misunderstandings they've always been told about both... I'll probably be posting some journal entries I wrote on my retreat... perhaps.

Just got back

So I just got back yesterday night (11pm ish)... and was completely exhausted... didn't go to school today... yesterday when I was leaving the abbey I almost hyperventilated when I realised I had to come back to work and school... last night my pre-emptive hyperventilation proved an ominous sign.

Why must stupid things always aggrivate my anxiety.

Waiting...

Waiting for monday... trying to square away Youth Group for tuesday while I'm gone... wondering what the Abbey will be like... wondering if I am forgetting to do something... wanting to buy new bike stuff for my birthday... waiting until my friends figure out what they want to buy (to save on shipping)... and wanting to do something... and yet nothing at the same time... I cleaned up my rear derailleur, and tried to fix it... wasnt able to fix it, only hopefully "patch" it up... I think It'll ride for some time longer, but I'm still going to be looking into a new rear derailleur... which might actually be really hard to find, considering the age of my bike and the style of derailleur being quite antiquated... what should I pack for the Trappist week? I'm thinking jeans... maybe a pair of shorts... don't know...

today

so today I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm and decided to sleep until my alarm...
2 hours later... I awake in horror as I look at my clock... 10.05am and my test is at 11.00... my bus to class was supposed to leave at 9.30pm... realising that if I biked to class I had to fix my bike and then actually bike at speed for an hour to get to class about 30 minutes after it began... my only option was to find if someone could give me aride... after calling three people... the fourth was my saving grace... Susan had just left her house to pick up some stuff at the store, and was very lovely in agreeing to pick me up, and take me to class... we got there with 5 minutes to spare, and having had a really nice conversation... So I stand out side of the class room (its not my normal class) waiting for the prof to go in... (he always arrives right on time, so I decided to follow him in). From the moment I sat down at 11:01 it took me until 11:20 to finish it and until 11:28 to check it... (I'm pretty sure I got a 100%)... afterwards, I still had enough time to walk halfway down town (then I hopped a bus) and was able to make 12 noon mass!! Now that's a nice reward for finishing my test quickly... I was almost in Academic Decathlon Mode... ... ... but I decided to slow my self down on the test... because there was no need to speed through it, possibly sloppily... and I didn't think the rest of the class would appreciate this stranger "beating them"... I figured it would be slightly demoralising and not help their grades any... so I waited until the first person finished to turn mine in.

Upon Eagles Wings

The profundity of John Paul II's openning for Fides Et Ratio, "Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit rises to the contemplation of truth" has been churning in my mind, being at every moment turned and aerated with new applications and new understandings.

The parallel with wings, has as of late been especially interesting to ponder... an eagle with great wings knows it must fly, and YEARNS to fly, but if it thinks itself a turtle, it will not fly... So too a New Ager or Bhuddist who refuses to use Reason or Faith, and relies solely upon baser desires or the nothingness of relativity.

The true atheist or unreasonable believer is like an eagle with one solidly broken wing... it aspires to truly amazing heights, and perchance by luck it might catch a strong gust, that will aide it briefly higher, but without the strength of the other wing, it can do nothing but fall from that height... a fall of and into depression; for the atheist, of not knowing the grace and beauty of faith... of not knowing the beauty of God, for the unreasonable believer, of not knowing the beauty of themselves... of not knowing the beauty of reason.

But for the True believer... they are the eagles with full wings... the eagles that scream heavenward, upon two solid wings... yearning yet still to go higher, but satisfied that they have done their all... and when the gust of grace comes, they are ready to grab hold of it and ride yet higher... and let out cries of Joy for knowing they have gone higher not by their power but by that of God.

And yet there is another group... the group most fall into... that is the sparrows... those that believe, and those that reason, but do neither well... and choose to do neither well... they see the eagle and deny that they could ever be... they see the "turtle" and are happy that they are smarter... they have no desire, have no heart, they are those dead souls that walk around, those dead souls that have been granted the greatest gift, and yet refuse to open it... choosing rather to have little faith, and little reason, and be content... they are the ones that sadden us all... the lukewarm that will be spat out.

A new springtime.

So I am really excited to go to Gethsemani Abbey!!! I haven't had a silent retreat in over a year... and the stillness of soul and action was so BEAUTIFUL that I couldn't help but smile at the smallest displays of God's beauty... from leaves to the cool grass, to the smile of strangers, the beauty of words... I can't WAIT!! Being near so many men that seek holiness, is so edifying to a weary soul. Knowing that the Truth has touched other lives so much that they can't help but give their everything in service, that they can't rest until they rest in Thee, knowing that the radical love of Christ is still present in His Church today... Being near holy men makes me want so much to be on their path... but more so it reminds me of my own... and strengthens me on my quest.