so I get this alot...

you're not stable enough for the future, you'd not be a good husband because you're not ambitious enough, I don't think you could provide for a family.

and my constant reply has been, but I trust God, and will be faithful to his call...

yet they don't believe me. they don't trust God enough or at least trust that I trust God enough to be faithful... and it frustrates me to no end... a holy woman telling me that being faithful and trusting in God is not enough... its painful to me, as I frankly love this woman very much, and that she is unwilling to see that all you need is faith in God, and cooperate with His will and everything will be perfectly okay... she just doesnt trust enough. She still thinks she has to be in control, she has to ensure her happiness, regardless of what God wants, she knows what's best. (and by extension anyone who is worth anything must always be in control of their life... must always ensure their own happiness, regardless of God's will, because as the argument goes, God wants us to be happy... my reply being yes, yes He does, but only He knows what will make us happy, we don't always see clearly, so we must trust and be faithful.)

She I doubt would recognise this in herself, but that's part of the pain... she's unwilling to be introspective about her motivations... unwilling to care... getting caught up in the social groups that she's part of, either her family or friends. and incorporating their views into hers without much criticism or discernment.

The other day I was reading and I fell across this quote, by one of her favourite Saints (to be).

"I do not have to be successful, I have to be faithful." ~Mother Theresa of Calcutta.

Perhaps Theresa C can work a miracle for me...

I'm not fully in control of my life, and I'm happier that way... much less to worry about, but its also led to much more heartache... heartache I wish could have been avoided, pain I wish I never had experienced, as it seemed like the pain of banging my head repeatedly against a wall of thorns... seemingly going nowhere. BUT I know it was God's will that I continued and gave every chance, gave my whole, though I wish/wished so much that she would have given everything as well, instead of being so fearful of trusting God, so fearful of letting go of her "happiness" in favour of His happiness... who knows if it would have ended any later or earlier, but I'm sure it would have ended better and the pain and frustration would have been much less.