I've had a lot of time to think...

(those are bed bug bites on my head)

These past few weeks, I've had an inordinate amount of time to think and pray... and I've learned about myself in ways I never knew I would. Here are a few things that I'm willing to share ;-)

The people that annoy us the most, annoy us because they are the very mirrors of the things we hate about ourselves. The very things we struggle with are incarnate in them. There is only one rare exception to this, and that's when they display characteristics that we desire to have, but lack and their virtue convicts us of our failure to be virtuous.

Its an odd situation, but a person will not annoy you UNLESS there is something about them that sheds light upon your own struggles.

Due to this insight, which was at first a seed of a thought that was then fed by my spiritual director to a budding, I realised many things about my own struggles. How I hate people who teach me things, I hate people who order others around, I hate people who always have some reply to everything I say, I hate people who bring attention to themselves, I hate people who lead without humility and care. But I really learned that I really don't hate that person, but the source of the reflection, myself. I hate that I'm not as virtuous as I had hoped I would be by now. I hate that I'm not perfect. I hate that I'm not holy.

This insight has helped me to begin to see where I need to change and how I need to do that. I just pray and hope that God will bring to fruition this that I know I can't do.