Anxious prayer

O, Lord!
Where must I go from here,
from this place where I know not your direct call
this time where you ask me to wait?

I'm so used to you speaking when
your plan for me is near,
yet, now! Now!

you let me sit wondering
if this path is mine?
if I'm on this path for my sake
or for yours.

I desire to know,
and I beg to hear
you're sweet reassuring voice.

Speak Lord, your Servant is listening!

you're preparing me for something,
somethign I can't quite place,
but something nonetheless.

and I feel uneasy knowing this,
queasy and fearful of what it is...
the longer you wait, the deeper my fear...

though I will embrace it when it comes,
I need you to know what I'm feeling...
I'm scared.

I want to be your servant,
to be the slavish being that I am.
but I like it better when you keep me
doing something, so that the path ahead is not so ominous
so mysterious,
so far.

I know you want me to be patient, to rest, to prepare,
but that's what I'm afraid of!
FOR WHAT!

I bless You for the gifts You've given me,
the wondrous gifts of late,
I love them so much!

Bless and protect me,
release my anxiety,
and prepare me...

I'll wait. I promise.
And I'll let you decide
when I am ready.

Gah! But why!?